As a baby, we rely on our primary caregivers for our survival. For this reason, we form a very strong attachment to them. If we feel like we may lose this attachment, it literally feels life threatening to us. So we very cleverly learn to mould ourselves in any way necessary in order to survive.

Additionally, as a young child, we do not have the capacity to regulate our own nervous system. We are directly connected to the nervous system of our primary caregivers and rely on them to co-regulate.

If their nervous system is regulated, they can attune and provide a holding for us to experience our emotions. We feel connected to them and safe enough to feel and express.

If their nervous system is disregulated, they are unable to attune to us. We mirror their feeling state and feel unsafe ourself. Without the necessary holding, we instead learn to suppress our emotions.

As we live in a world which has become very disconnected, most of us (if not all of us) didn’t have perfectly attuned primary caregivers. We therefore learnt to mould ourselves in order to keep an attachment and avoid our big emotions. These experiences of disconnection are known as developmental trauma.

By the time we reach adulthood, we have compounded over many years the conditioned behaviours which were formed as a child. These served us well when we were young but as an adult, can be limiting or self-destructive. What once was a genuine survival response has now become a coping mechanism.

We unconsciously live life from these behaviours to desperately keep attachments with others and avoid the painful emotions we never learnt to hold. Any painful emotions we can’t successfully avoid, we may feel completely overwhelmed by. This disconnection to our emotions leads to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

We are unaware that we are seeing life through a unique lens based on the beliefs we formed as a child. This impacts how we view ourself, our ability to connect with others and how we interact with the world around us.

We are no longer Iiving as our authentic self as we are ruled by our conditioning and our inability to process our emotions. This in turn, has a huge impact on our health.

When we have experienced developmental trauma and are no longer able to be authentic, we are not in a balanced state. Our nervous system is dysregulated and we are in a survival response (fight, flight, freeze or fawn). 

When we are stuck in a survival response for an extended period, there is an accumulation of energy which becomes trapped in the body. This trapped energy creates blocks and stagnation in the body which over time leads to the development of physical health conditions.

In order to heal, we have to first cultivate a feeling a safety. Our mind may know that we are not actually in danger, but our body still believes we are. Once we learn to feel safe, our nervous system begins to rewire and we move towards a ‘safe and social’ state. In this more regulated state, we can move through a somatic unwinding of our unresolved traumas.

Through this process, we may experience releases of the suppressed emotions such as anger, grief and sadness as they can finally be felt and expressed with ease. The stagnant energy can start to flow again and move through us. Any uncomfortable sensations can gently dissolve.

Our body may discharge through physical movements (such as shaking and other involuntary movements) and expression through sound (such as words which were previously unable to be spoken or screaming/shouting/primal noises). We undergo a physical detoxification process and our body returns to a healthy, balanced state.

Our perceptions change and we begin to see the world more clearly from a place of safety. We are no longer triggered by situations we once found difficult. Mental health issues lessen as we can now feel and express the underlying emotions.

The way we relate to others changes and we create healthier relationships. Our coping mechanisms fall away and we live life from a more authentic place.

There comes a point in our journey when we emerge as a more healed and more authentic version of ourself. This is often referred to as a spiritual awakening. Once this happens, our life can take a huge turn and the pain we have always carried largely dissolves away.

Some of the changes we may experience are:

~ Our mind is more still and peaceful
~ We feel the whole range of emotions with more ease
~ We are physically healthy
~ We feel more joy, peace and contentment
~ We have healthier relationships and deeper connections
~ We are able to express our truth
~ We feel confident and empowered
~ We feel more unconditional self-love
~ We prioritise ourself and our own needs
~ We see more beauty in the world around us
~ We discover our passions, gifts and purpose
~ We live life from a place of ease and flow
~ We reconnect to our intuition and wisdom
~ We feel a deeper sense of connection to ourself, nature and the universal oneness
~ We discover who we really are and realise what it truly means to live life

Of course, life will continue to throw us challenges because that is part and parcel of this beautifully messy human experience. However the difference is, we move through these challenges with more ease and grace. We no longer lose our sense of self in the process. We stay connected to ourself and the world around us and we surrender to and embrace the highs and lows of life.

This transformation is possible for every single one of us…